Saturday, December 8, 2012

Don't Ask


Living with Fibromyalgia is hard enough without adding stupid people to the equation. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask me how I am and don't bother to really listen when I respond. Why did you even ask in the first place if you really don't give a shit?? 9 time out of 10 these same people are simply starting a conversation so that they can complain to me about their problems.  Now don't get me wrong, if you have me as a friend I am the best friend you will have. I will take time any time day or night to listen and talk and commiserate if that's what you need. But I would love to know why it is that I don't seem to deserve the same in return??

I know a lot of people don't quite understand the full scope of what it means to have Fibromyalgia so I try not to take offense when someone says "I know what you mean" or "I know how you feel". If you don't have Fibro, then believe me and hear me clearly when I say you most definitely do NOT know what I mean or know how I feel.

I have not had a pain free day in 15 years. Stop and think about that for a minute. I have "better" days and I have "worse" days. I do not have completely pain free days. Just because you see me doing something for my kids, or keeping my house clean, or GOD FORBID doing something for MYSELF does not mean I'm "better" or that I'm faking this whole thing to get attention. It means I have to continue to live my life and be a mom and an active member of my family.

AND just because my house work doesn't get done for a day or 2 doesn't mean i'm lazy or a bad mom either. It means I'm having a bad day and still trying to do the best I can.

So the next time you want to sit and have a conversation with me, or with anyone who has Fibro or another chronic pain condition, stop and think a second before sending that first message or opening your mouth to speak. Just saying.

9 comments:

  1. I have the fibro since I was 11 years old.It has been 30 years now.So I truly understand.

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  2. My back has hurt for as long as I can remember.I dont remember when the last pain free day I had just wish I knew what was causing this for sure. Tired of the answers its your boobs its your weight its cause you were hit by a city bus. I just want answers

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  3. Ugh, yeah it's amazing how people just assume someone is perfectly okay if it isn't glaringly obvious that they're not. Just because someone doesn't look like they're dying or, as you said, trying to live their life, it doesn't mean they're magically all better or that they've been faking. That's the meanest, worst thing something can say on the matter... :(

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  4. Yeah, that's part of the reason I don't discuss my Fibromyalgia with my mom. She asks if my pain is gone, REALLY?????? NO, it's never gone and it's not going to, but I still have things to do. Plus, that Cymbalta commercial is sooo misleading, even my doctor is pissed. It helps me TOLERATE my pain, not stop it. So don't ask me why my meds don't work, they do! We need a fibromyalgia only community where we can all be friends and not be around hateful people.

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  5. I am sorry you all have to deal with people like that. I also have fibromyalgia. I don't even know what a pain free day is. There are days that I can function then there are days where I'm like don't even look at me.

    My doctors don't really have me on anything for my pain. It sucks.

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  6. I'm sorry ladies i never had chronic pain i can imagine the pain, i wish there was something to help but i got a shoulder for you to cry and big heart to listen.

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  7. I'm so sorry that anyone has to deal with this. In the CW reenacting community, more ladies than I can count on my fingers have Fibro, but they still push forward to tech others about an era they love. It's amazing to watch their strength.

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  8. I feel so lucky that I do not have these pains, I hear you ladies talk about t and I feel so bad for you, but you still seem so strong! So good for you:)

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  9. A messy home means a happy kid, right? That's what I remind myself!

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